Tuesday, 4 March 2014


In this badly staged photo, the poet asks 
challenging, ironic questions.

I shouldn't eat bacon, fried eggs, clotted cream or ready salted crisps
I shouldn't smoke fags, drink beer, or kiss sugar-coated cherry lips
I shouldn't use plastic bags from Tescos, cos they clog up the drains
I shouldn't be buried in a coffin, I should let birds peck at my remains

I should exercise, moderately, four times a week
I should drink tap water, with flouride, and swill it round my cheek
I should trust the banks, shop ethically, and work before I rest
I should give adequate notice of my intention to protest

I am unhappy, statistic, ballistic with shame
Isolated in spreadsheets, anonymous, without name
I am statisticus, ridiculous, politicus, sublime
A victim of dehumanised, number-crunching times

© CRB 2014 

[With apologies to Ian Dury and John Cooper Clarke]

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